Stick a fork in me,

82.95.

It's funny how one little number can make you either so unbelievably happy, or so depressed.

I am one of the former group. :D

I'm totally thrilled with my score. It's something I can be proud of. :)

Now I only have to catch up with my buddies, then I'm off to NSW. 5 days to go.

I'm loving the internet while I can, cos I'll be going on my annual no computer summer.

3 weeks without facebook? This could be hard.

So yeah, if you want to contact me, text me.

With all my love,

Emilairy xx

A is for the way I act with you

All this tension is killing me.

All I want from the next week is a good time. Is it too much to ask for?

At least I won't be home. The parents are worse than my friends sometimes. My friends don't stress over every little detail of my auditions, or complain about my laziness, or my grades.

Anyway. I'm tanned, I'm almost packed, and I'm excited.

Adieu!

xx

I'm going North

I wanna dance the tango with chance,
I wanna ride on the wire
Cos nothing gets done with dust in your gun,
And nobody respects a liar
So goodbye for a while, I'm off to explore
Every boundary and every door
Yeah I'm going north

I wanna know where children would go,
If they never learnt to be cool
Cos nothing's achieved when pushed up a sleeve,
Till nobody thinks you're a fool
So goodbye for a while, I'm out to learn more
About who I really was before
Yeah I'm going North

Up where the hunted hide with ease,
Under the arms of eye-less trees,
Up where the answers fall like leaves,
Oh and your love is all I need...
Yeah I'm going North.

I'm leaving this town in less than a month. I'll be back, of course; I'm just spending the summer, like always, in a warmer climate. It shall be awesome.

Though this summer, more than ever, I almost find myself wishing I could stick around in this cold little city. Maybe it's because I'm closer to my friends ever before, or because I have a boyfriend who I will also be leaving behind. Or maybe it's because I'll be spending my eighteenth birthday up North. Which strikes me as a little strange... I won't be drinking around all my little cousins, or they'll decide they want to have some and all turn into alcoholic, spoilt little westies. This whole 'being the oldest' thing isn't the greatest at times.

Still, it'll be a great 3 weeks. I cannot wait to be out of the rain; to be able to swim, and to tan, and to act like a 10 year old and not care. And to eat a hell of a lot of Christmas food. Om nom nom, I'll regret it later, I can tell.

I'll end this post with a picture of my lovely little dog,

who just today confused a bowl of cherries with a lot of bouncy balls (her current obsession). Between balls, balloons, and food, this is one wreck of a dog. She's a bit cute though. :P

xx

You goddamn hypocrites

Some people are so very stupid.

They're perfect examples of that word that I don't say,

unless it's to Ange's little brother, who acts like his birthday and Christmas have come at once.

"You all need to go away, you motherfuckers.

I can't say that character would be one of your strongest assets...

Go fuck yourselves, leave us alone."

Sorry for the language guys.

They're lines from a song, it's not the kind of thing I usually say... LOL jk, I kinda talk like this. A little inappropriate for a girl like me (or the girl people stereotype me as), but since when did I play by the rules? :P

xx

I survived!

Year 12 is officially over for me.

Excuse me while I jump around and wish I was legal.

Damn you, December 21 birthday.

Now, back to the Tomorrow series. Mum bought me the last 5 books as an end-of-exams present. THANKYOU!

xx

Lo siento.

I've spent a fair bit of time thinking about my friends lately. I love them to death, and they've saved me on countless occasions. But some times over the years I've been unfair to them. Actually, I've been horrible. Not really purposely, either. Which makes me wonder if I'm the wonderful person I'm told I am.

So, let's do some apologizing.

Jasmine, I'm sorry I never replied to your letter. I guess I could just say I was young and stupid, but it wasn't really that... I don't even know why I didn't. And now I have one less friend... Sorry.

Al, I'm sorry for some of the things I've said over the years. I don't mean to upset you, I really don't. I'm just really easily distracted, and say things I don't mean, or say what I think in the worst possible way. I'm sorry, I love you.

S... You are amazing. I don't really know what happened between us, but I wish things could go back to the way it used to be. I miss it.

I know none of them are going to read this, but I needed to put it out there. I put on a record, shall we say.

And to the friends I have now...

Thankyou for putting up with me.

xx

Yet another pointless post, just like the others

Why is it that I have nothing worthwhile to say these days?

School is over, and I should be having the time of my life.

Correction, school is almost over. I still have two exams left, my best subject, closely followed by my worst.

But no matter how I do, I'm still not going to make her proud.

Such a great feeling, knowing those who should support you no matter what, will be ashamed of your marks.

I know, I know, I deserve it.

But I just don't want to study. I don't care, I just want it to be over!

Then, I can finally... breathe.

You are my inspirations.

Just a collection of quotes from the past few months. All of them reminders of a treasured memory, person, or place.

Year 12 was the best. :)

"I'm a bit two-faced, but at least it keeps the peace."

"My telepathy isn't working."

"Well they do say love is blind." "Oh, I've got glasses for that"

"Avoid the idiots,
Ignore the ones that can't be avoided,
And laugh at the ones that refuse to be ignored."

"I don't think he'll be able to hear you
over the sound of his massive ego applauding itself."

"They had just the average smell of smoke, look of a slapper, poor command of the English language, though had good knowledge of the grammatical uses of the F, S, C and MF words." - describing westies on a bus

"You need to stop hurting yourself, boy."

peace, sunshine and love always, xx

Ignorance = bliss.

I know I should be unbelievably stressed right about now.

My final exams start tomorrow.

And yet, I can't help but see the good things in life, and ignore the rest.

Kinda a bad thing. But I've always been a slacker, why change in the last week of high school?

Or maybe that's just my procrastinating side taking over.

Whatevs. Here's a song describing my current situation.

For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I'll be strong

For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Would make my dreams come true

For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me
Not like it's hurt me before
For once, I have something I know won't desert me
I'm not alone anymore

For once, I can say, this is mine, you can't take it
As long as I know I have love, I can make it
For once in my life, I have someone who needs me.

Dedicated to all my loves. :)

xxx

Freak Show

Open fire on the needs designed On my knees for you Open fire on my knees, desire's what I need from you... But I'm not, not sure, Not too sure how it feels To handle every day And I miss you love... Across the night It was the moon that stole my slumber Across the night I fell in love with people sleeping... Silverchair, how I love you. In your many guises. I wish I didn't choose to do an assignment on you though. Having to write a report on something so beautiful and transient as music kinda wrecks it a bit. Oh well. Back to work. xx P.S. The fucking formatting won't work. -.-" damn you lyric sites...

...

Something I'm scared of.

Something I can't forget, yet can't seem to say.

Too risky,

too unsure.

And yet.

Some questions may not need answers, but I want to hear yours.

How many? How long? And most importantly, how far?

I thought I was the 'oldest' one, but maybe not.

This can't end well, surely.

And yet.

I'm happy, more so than before.

And each day brings a new, different beginning.

Will tomorrow be the day?

The day I realise what this is to be?

If only, if only.

And yet.

"My twin"

HAHAHAHAHA.

babe, the only reason you look like twins is because you both have:

-fake blonde, streaked hair with extensions

-waaaay too much makeup caked on your faces

-ridiculously fake-tanned bodies

-bad taste in clothes.

Oh, and you're both slutty.

:)

You're gonna make me lonesome...

I love this song.

I’ve seen love go by my door
It’s never been this close before
Never been so easy or so slow
Been shooting in the dark too long
When somethin’s not right it’s wrong
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go

Dragon clouds so high above
I’ve only known careless love
It’s always hit me from below
This time around it’s more correct
Right on target, so direct
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go

Purple clover, Queen Anne’s Lace
Crimson hair across your face
You could make me cry if you don’t know
Can’t remember what I was thinkin’ of
You might be spoilin’ me too much, love
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go

Flowers on the hillside, bloomin’ crazy
Crickets talkin’ back and forth in rhyme
Blue river runnin’ slow and lazy
I could stay with you forever and never realize the time

Situations have ended sad
Relationships have all been bad
Mine’ve been like Verlaine’s and Rimbaud
But there’s no way I can compare
All those scenes to this affair
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go...

To Do:

1) Don't let people tell me what to do...

Or what to believe.

2) Stop speaking my mind.

They don't need to know.

3) Do not let them walk all over me.

Hopefully this doesn't end in war...

Xx.

More than the sky loves the stars.

This past week I've been on tour with school, playing in 3 different bands at schools and venues all around Adelaide. It has been, quite frankly, one of the best times of my life.

It wasn't all fun and games, however. There was plenty of raging, chaos, extreme tiredness, hysteria, pranks, stupid people who never SHUT UP, questionable clothing (or lack of), tears, sickness, and injuries.

But despite this, all of us became closer.

And I'll now always love the city that is Adelaide.

I miss you Nunyara, even with your ghosts, slightly creepy rooms, dodgy showers, dodgy heaters, and lack of doonas.

I miss you, for your cozy Nioka room, for the amazing food (and large quantities), for the random picture frames painted into the wall (perfect for Gabe to hang off), and for the amazing view of the city lights.

I love the hills. They are absolutely incredible.

I miss you Tour, for the in-jokes, Matt Damon, the magic fountain, the dirty coffee, the ponko, going to the servo in the middle of the night, the poker, having whole primary schools dancing, for the autographs, for the epic bus singalongs, for the wakeup calls (Ron Weasley!), for 'it's too early for this shit Woodsy', for my roommates, for the mulletman, for the Nerf gun, for the Vortex.

I love you. I can't believe this was my last one ever. :')

Home seems so inferior. It's so quiet and lonely. Wearing a seatbelt seems strange. Making tea, then removing the bag seems weird. Having a shower that works, however, is bliss.

Now to those that I missed while I was there...

The night's sky on its own, while pleasing in its velvety, inky blackness, is empty. It is only a dark, a depression, a pessimism, a nothing.

The stars are what make make it sublime. They tear through the black, bringing with them a sense of peace, an optimism, a light. They brighten the world, some only slightly, others with the strength of thousands. They bring it colour and life.

You are my stars.

There are some upsides to being home...

Xx.

Miserere

Do you ever look around

turn your ear to the ground

show your face to the sky
on a night when the skies echo sounds
from inside of your mind
on the stage that you shone
where the sun did become you.

And move with your thoughts
through the sighs and the scenes
of the worlds you have seen
and the sights that have been
your reflection in shadows and dreams?

Your reflection in shadows and dreams.

Did you ever see a man
who did walk down the street
white robe with no shoes on his feet
and on top of his head place a box with two slits
and the sign from his neck said
‘I do not exist’.

Or a woman who could not remember her name
did stutter and stutter
again and again
and saw you and called you her son
her eyes said
‘my being is gone
but still I’m not dead’.

Miserere

Have you ever seen a sound?

have you listened to an image?

have you ever touched a thought?

have you ever tasted nothing?

have you ever told a lie

that was true more than truth
because truth it had lied
all its life when it spoke to you?

And what did it say?
it is that

it is this
this goes here

here is there
it is not

yes it is

It was dulling your senses
your eyes they were bound
have you ever my friends
been looking around?

And the other replies
with a wave of a hand
I am already here
in this promised land
but not by a god and not by a king
and not by a spirit
deep from within.

I am here
because a miracle’s a whim
it’s a flash of glory
it’s an empty tin
and maybe it might let you in.

Not to save you
but to keep on looking.

Miserere…

Have you ever
been so happy that you’re sad?

that the lights turn to stars?
and the stars become eyes?
and hello’s are goodbye’s?
and the laughs are the sigh’s?
and the show disappears with the note
‘until next time’.

Long live living
if living can be this.

Do you ever look around
turn your ear to the ground
show your face to the sky
on a night when the skies echo sounds
from inside of your mind
on the stage that you shone
where the sun did become you.

And move with your thoughts
through the sighs and the scenes
of the worlds you have seen
and the sights that have been
your reflection in shadows and dreams.

Do you ever look around
and find what is yet to be found?

lyrics by The Cat Empire. So, so beautiful.

Xx.

Don't worry, be happy.

You know those times where lives are wasted, hearts are aching, hell's breaking loose and you can't turn away?

and you feel like you're about to fall apart...

(Wow, that was cheesy)

Yeah, I'm having 'one of those days.'

Don't judge me, it's one in the morning. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not even making sense.

But the good thing is, even though I've been deserted by those I love with all my heart, for reasons I don't quite understand...

I still have you.

The people that matter.

Love, peace, and happiness to all :)

xx

Dearest _________.

Yes, I screwed up.

Several times, each worse than the last.

But the past is the past. Don't crucify me over things I can't control. I'm not a time lord, for fuck's sake.

Yes, I was stupid.

Ridiculously so.

But there's nothing I can do NOW, is there? It won't change anything.

Yes, I was impulsive. Yes, I was "deceitful". Yes, I "broke your trust".

Get over it.

Love, Emily.

So I haven't posted in a while. Sorry.

I recently had a clean-out, going through the wardrobe, emptying drawers I hadn't touched in a while, and generally making my room even more messy than it was to start with. Great fun. And amongst all my lame, half-written lyrics, warm and fuzzy's and letters from old friends, I found this.

There's a good side to being short sighted.

Once the glasses are off, the world becomes blurred... like looking through frosted glass, or trying to see through fog on an early winter's morning. Everything outside the room becomes unimportant, unnecessary. It leaves just you and him.

Free from the outside world's stares, disapproving glances, laughter and gossip, you are finally left alone.

In this circumstance, ignorance is indeed bliss.

I actually wrote this while single, but it's surprisingly relevant to what life is like now. Maybe I'm psychic?

Xx.

Macquarie dreaming.

Why is it that when one part of your life is going well, the rest of it falls apart?

It's a bit unfair, really.

I wish I could be back there, just for a week or so. School is doing my head in.

Photography by me for once! I'm quite proud of these, just quietly. Not that there was any skill involved in taking them, the scenery is gorgeous enough to make any amateur photographer look pro.

Oh, and I'm the short one. The other is my sister 3 years my junior. Bloody genetics...

Xx.

Happy, for once

You know that secret I mentioned last post? (Okay, I lie, the whole post was about it.) Well I shared it... and I'm oh-so glad I did :)

I'll leave you with some words of wisdom from the magical Mr Mraz:

I won't hesitate

No more, no more

It can not wait

I'm yours.

Xx.

Untitled.

Ever had a feeling, hunch or thought that you can't share with anyone for fear of looking the fool? Something that occupies most of your waking thoughts, and even intrudes on your dreams?

That's my life at the moment. It's such fun.

Pic NOT drawn by me.

Xx.

Sympathy, madness, whatever you want to call it

So, I had a fairly depressing incident today. The dog, Armani (Mani), an adorable but bossy/whiney/constantly hungry pug cross, found a rat in the backyard. Being a dog, she attacked it... but as she had never encountered a rat before, she didn't kill it. I found her standing over the rat as it struggled to move, still but only just clinging to life.

I didn't know what to do. If it was another animal, a bird or something, I probably would've picked it up and taken it to the vet... but it was a rat. So I went to tell Dad about it.

As he was snoozing on the couch at the time, his reaction was to grunt "Why are you telling me? I'm asleep!" before rolling over and ignoring me. Thanks, Dad.

Mum was more concerned than he was, thankfully. She came out to have a look, sympathised, and sent Dad to 'put it out of its misery'.

Empathy is shit. I mean, it was a rat, right?

But it didn't deserve that. Not really.

Look at me, I've gone all animal lover. Pfft.

Anyway, after that, we now know what's been making all the noise in the roof.

Rats.

Lol, sorry. Xx.

Ribbons.

Don't you just love a good gossip session?

I know, I know, you shouldn't gossip, it does more harm than good etc... but really, it's such fun. Admit it.

Xx.

Procrastinating...

Rules:

1. Put your music player on shuffle mode.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer even if it doesn't make sense.
4. Give your comment on the answer, how they actually relate.

How are you feeling today? Upset girlfriends- Hamish and Andy (haha, actually true.)

Will you get far in life? Stumbeline- Smashing Pumpkins. Yep, 'stumbling' sounds a lot like me.

What is your best friends theme song? Peace Train- Cat Stevens. Generally.

What's your highschool like? Mysterons- Portishead.

How can you get ahead in life? Behind The Cow- Scooter. HAHAHAHAHA

What's the best thing about your best friends? Shops Closing- Hamish and Andy. Hmmm.

Describe your parents. Telling Lies- David Bowie. Ha.

How's your life going? Cigarettes and Lies- Gabriella Cilmi.

First song played on my birthday. Games- Jonas Brothers (good god no.)

Will you have a happy life? Where Eagles Have Been- Wolfmother.

What do your friends think of you? When Will I Be Famous- Bros

Do people secretly lust after you? Womaniser- Britney Spears (hahaha)

How can you make yourself happy? And I Am Telling You (I Am Not Going)- Glee Cast

What should you do with your life? She's My Winona- Fall Out Boy

Will you ever have child? Ain't No Sunshine- Eva Cassidy (is that a no..?)

What song will you dance like a freak to? Please Come Home For Christmas- The Eagles (not likely)

What does your mum think of you? The One Who Got Away- Pink

What is your deep dark secret? Bad Influence- Pink

What's your mortal enemy theme song? She's Lost Control- Joy Division

What is your personality like? I'm Not That Girl- Wicked The Musical. Ahhh, so true. :(

So that was a good time waster. Some were oddly true as well... such as what my personality is like.

I'M NOT THAT GIRL

Hands touch, eyes meet

Sudden silence, sudden heat

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl

He could be that boy

But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...

Sigh. Anyway, I'm off.

Don't judge me by the songs there... I didn't realise i had Jonas Brothers on my iPod :/

Xx.

Maybe I should just stop talking.

I am currently feeling like my head is about to explode.

Does that sentence even make sense? God, I don't even know anymore :/

Anyway, here's a photo. Best ignore my incoherent ramblings and focus on it.

Courtesy of Akiko.

Love you.

Last week I posted a verse I wrote, and asked for any suggestions. One of my closest friends, let's call her A, read my post and, being the wonderful person she is, wrote a poem based on my lines.

I'm just a little ecstatic.

So I will record it here to show you followers (if there is any...) just how talented she is. So, A, this blog post is dedicated to you. Hope you like it.

"I looked for you last night,

in a place I thought you'd be,

and I dreamed a little daydream

that you'd seem to notice me,

But no you were not there,

and the daydream stayed a dream,

and the lullabies you sang

were never meant to be for me.

So I sang myself a little song,

to mend my broken heart,

took two deep breaths and made myself

work back towards the start,

I fixed myself for friendship,

and wrote it out in stone,

I shall not need the love of thee,

I'm better off alone.

And in that verse you saw me fall,

and moved to catch the fray,

you could not lose what you thought you ought,

you came to save the day,

So now I know those songs you sing,

told of how we just weren't meant to be,

It's alright though, because I also know,

You'll always rescue me."

I wish I could be as talented as she.

Xx.

Blush.

Why is a blush always associated with being embarrassed? It can be caused by any number of things, like being mad, sad, or it just being too hot in the room...

I'm so sick of doing something stupid on purpose, being fully aware of how it looks, then laughing (which makes me go red) and people saying "Awww, she's all embarrassed..." all patronising-like. Ugh. Can't a girl have a good time without being picked on, belittled or criticized? Apparently not these days...

Xx.

Writer's block.

I looked for you last night,

In a place I thought you'd be,

And I dreamed a little daydream that you'd seem to notice me...

But no you were not there,

And the daydream stayed a dream,

And the lullabyes you sang were never meant to be for me.

Song lyrics I wrote. Haven't got any further, as usual. Suggestions?

Xx.

Oh how I miss romance.

Lately all I hear from my friends are stories about their love lives. They gleefully or sorrowfully spill all about their conquests and troubles, then wait for my advice. Which i give freely, of course.

But I find myself wishing, why can't it be me?

If only the rain could wash my cares away as easily as it does the summer's dust.

Seniors.

Fun, exciting, confusing, frustrating, depressing, annoying.

Avoiding homework, avoiding teachers, laughing with mates, singing in the band.

Study periods, music lessons, sleep ins.

Gossip, scandals.

Chaos.

That's year 12 for you.